Zelda Loves Boot Stink (Patreon)

Princess Zelda, the legendary scholar of Hyrule... has been reduced to this.

Look at her royal highness. The woman who sealed away Calamity Ganon, solved ancient puzzles that stumped generations, and supposedly has the wisdom of the goddesses... is currently cross-eyed with her tongue out. One whiff of her own dungeon-crawling foot funk and the Princess of Destiny is gone. Brain melted. Higher brain functions? Deleted. Replaced by pure, unfiltered "mmm yes mommy needs more of that aged leather cheddar."

Sittng there barefoot on the cold stone floor of some sacred temple, soles on full display like she is presenting the Triforce of Stink to the world. Those poor toes have been marinating in those boots for hours, probably days of running from Guardians and climbing ruins. And instead of using her royal magic to freshen up, she's cradling one of her dirty boots with spirals siwrling in her eyes.

Legend says she has divine blood. Right now the only thing divine is how powerfully her boots must reek if they turned the most elegant woman in Hyrule into a barefoot, drooling boot slut.

Truly the hero Hyrule deserves.